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The Poets

August 25, 2010

On the Brink


He clamped that heavy weapon tight
And aimed that steel that seemed a ton
And just before a life was done
A humming bird was in his sight

“Draw down son, and be at peace”
It said in syllables divine
“Don’t you know that this is mine”
To which his hand gave quick release

-jwm

6 comments:

John W. May said...

Poetic Parameters

Stanza: Italian quatrain (i.e. abba)
Meter: Lines 1 - 4, and 6 and 8 are tetrameter; lines 5 and 7 have a seven syllable count
Rhyme Scheme: abba (per stanza)

Note: This poem was intentionally constructed in such a way that a straight interpretation of it would be difficult if not impossible. Ambiguity of plot was one of the primary goals I intended with this story- and make no mistakes, there's a story here- and I think I achieved it well.

Anyhow, enjoy the poem. In a week I'll disclose the possible storylines represented behind it, and discuss at length the symbols as well; for now, if anyone would like to take a shot at it: what does this poem speak of?

Obiterspeak said...

i'll give it a shot :-)

speaks of a man holding a weapon with which he intends to end a life but just as he is about do this, his vision is blurred (and things around seem to happen quickly/vaguely) and words come to him or are aimed at him, saying that which he intends to end or take is His (not his to take). Realising this, the man refrains from wrongfully claiming/appropriating his own life.

forceful lines, John.

devangini said...

Just a humble attempt :)

This brutal hunter in the woods is off killing nature's angles as usual. and one fine day in the woods, while aiming to kill; the humming bird[ God in disguise]reminds him that the woods, the earth the sky all belongs to him/her.
If he[hunter]can give no life,
he can take none.
That's why the bird says["this" is mine]. Shaken in disbelief and ashamed [maybe] he draws the weapon down.

Da other Part of 'Zo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Da other Part of 'Zo said...

Ok. Let ME try it lol. It may be speaking of someone who has been through so much turmoil during his (her)epoch that it pushes them to "the Brink" of taking their own life. Seeing as though a hummingbird symbolizes peace, love, happiness and somewhat of anxiety, a person or entity or even self reflection causes them to reconsider the actions that they are about to take. Orrrrrrr (just thought about it lol) This piece could symbolize the end of a certain characteristic or way of life a person has been living. They are contemplating if they want to continue in that current lifestyle and refer to their religious/spiritual beliefs or affliations for guidance. In the end, they choose to give it up. I tried lol

John W. May said...

Thanks guys for your beautiful responses and insight. My 'follow-up' on this post can be found on my September 07, 2010, post.

I used links to your sites; if that was inappropriate please let me know. Again, thank you for your comments and talents- world without end ...

As of April 9th, 2010