Luc Bat- a Vietnamese Form

Just came across an interesting Vietnamese form of poetry called Luc Bat. It starts with a six syllable line, and then an eight syllable line follows, and the pattern repeats for as long as you would like it to (6,8,6,8,6,8, etc).

But here's the challenge. The sixth syllable of every eight-syllable line has to rhyme with the last syllable of the six-syllable line before it, which in turn has to rhyme with the eighth syllable of the eight-syllable line before it. Seems tricky, but rhythmically it is practical. Here is my first attempt (let me know what you think):


Our Time

Our time is brief, I say-
An interval from day to night
Delineates this plight.

But do not shrink in fright or fear
At Night as it draws near-
Be brave, without a care to creep,
Embrace the day, then sleep.

-jwm